How to Pick the Right Therapist for You

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Choosing a therapist is unnecessarily hard. I’m a therapist and it can be stressful and confusing for me to navigate. You might be thinking, “how does it work?” or “Where do I even start?”. I wrote this post to be a starting point for anyone looking for counseling. This will be the first of many to help break down the barriers that prevent people from getting help.

Payment

I know it sucks. And to top it off, I started with money. But wait! Don’t click away yet. 

This is important. Let me just say right now as a disclaimer: imagine me staring judgingly at our government leaders as I say this. Mental health care should not be expensive. It is no different than any other type of health. Without mental health our bodies don’t work well and without physical health our minds can’t do their best. People should not have to do a cost-benefit analysis of their childcare and groceries just to take care of themselves or see quality providers.

But that is a totally different rant.

Insurance

Back to money. If I haven’t lost you yet, think about this. Despite that soap box I just stood on, the system is imperfect and we have to learn to navigate through it. In order to do that, you need to consider how you will pay for this service. Similar to medical care, many insurances cover therapy- especially now, especially during the pandemic. So IF you are employed by an organization who provides insurance *eye roll* then mental health service could be covered. All you have to do is contact your provider and see what is covered. These days you can even pay for mental health services with your HSA or FSA. There is even an option to pay out-of-pocket and petition your insurance for reimbursement.

Uninsured

If you don’t have insurance, things can be trickier but still possible. Some counselors accept private pay and set their own rates. For those not rolling in money, many providers allow prices based on your income. If things get really tough, calculate what you could pay and how many times a month you could afford it and see about working this out with your ideal provider.  There are even websites like that connect people with low-income needs with the right therapists. As therapists, we conform to a code of ethics that allows us to take on deserving clients for low rates or free.

Research

This is really important. I probably said that about every other tip but it is. Make sure you are seeing a state-licensed mental health worker. This could be a counselor, social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist. This matters so much because the aforementioned occupations are not only regulated but have a code of ethics in which they operate. These professionals go through certified programs and rigorous testing. They are confirmed by a board of peers, supervised by other established professionals, and require continued education in the field. This could also include to life coaching and yoga therapists; this is different in each state. The research matters. This can include asking trusted people who they would recommend and even who they don’t and why.

Connect

Connecting to someone you don’t know can be hard. If you live in an area saturated with therapists, this can feel even more impossible. A tip to help navigate a sea of providers is to find something about the potential therapist that you can identify with. It can be anything. They have dogs? They might be a good human. You appreciate their sense of humor? Try it out. Self-proclaimed Harry Potter fan? No need to even second guess that one. They support those causes you are also passionate about? What do you have to lose? Finding some common ground can help shake off the nerves about a completely scary but totally worth it endeavor of sharing your life with a stranger. Sometimes it is worth it to trust your gut.

Consult

Most clinicians do consults before starting work with a client. Think of this as a double job interview. The therapist is determining if you would be a good fit for their skill set and you should be determining if you could see yourself connecting with them. Think of questions that would be important to you and ask them. Let me be clear, this is not a free therapy session. This is a vibe check, if you will. A vibe check for you, an informal assessment for the clinician. If a counselor offers this service (often for free) utilize it. It benefits everyone and save both parties from wasting time.

Special needs

Not all therapists are made equal. It is hard for me to say but it is true. Mental health professionals have a specific scope of practice which means they have specific education, training, and competency in a specific area. Therapeutic needs like autism, high-conflict families, and addiction can require special expertise. Those families who have a loved one struggling with disordered eating, obsessive-compulsive disorder, racial trauma, and LGBT+- based issues would benefit most from clinicians with experience in these issues. If your needs are specialized, include that in your research. There is someone who does what you need, you may just have to search. 

Stay open

What a therapist-y thing to say. “Stay open to the process”. But there is a truth to that sentiment. Most of us, or all of us, have well-crafted defenses that can prevent us from starting the process of healing. As much as you can, try to be mindful of that. Come to sessions willing to try and with your heart open. Allow three sessions to get a feel for therapy and and the therapist. 

Deciding to begin healing or improve your life is a huge step. It has the weight of not only finding emotional and mental freedom but also breaking toxic cycles in your family and marriage. It is meaningful and worth it. Your therapy match exists and is waiting to support you on your journey.

Did I miss anything? Feel free to comment about something I can write about next.